His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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