i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
