I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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