babies were throwing up all over the place
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
