Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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