He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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