I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
