Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
