Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
