Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
