Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
