D3 body, D1 cock
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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