Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
