I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
