Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
