i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
