I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she told me i tasted like america
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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