A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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