is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
