I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
we should paint friendship bongs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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