I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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