Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
