Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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