he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
