It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
