You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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