So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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