I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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