Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
