It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
