she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
