I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He passed out mid-signature
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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