So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
