i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
