i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
