you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
