He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
