I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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