I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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