His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
