Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
