so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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