Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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