my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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