p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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