y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
