The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
