Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
