gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
