I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
