i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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