I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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